sixeightysplit

I'm only going to write until my food gets here or I start to cry. Ali is in the room and I don't feel like explaining myself. I do have homework to finish but I actually don't see myself getting it done anytime soon.

Some things are actually starting to go right for once. There are some rearrangements going on in the Student Government world and both the President and the current secretary though I would do a good job in the role of secretary next semester. I was thrilled and honored that I was their first choice.

On top of SGA, I'm the treasurer for CAB (Campus Activities Board) as well. Mind you no one else really ran against me seeing as their is only 7 people in CAB, but that is honestly besides the point. It was something I wanted and I went out and got it.

I have straight A's currently. I don't think I have ever been able to say that about my grades. I am so excited with what I am doing and I love every aspect of the entertainment industry. It does scare me that I honestly don't know what the future holds and I am one of the oldest people in the school, but I am trying not to over think that currently.

Venue is fun. I wish I got more from Jenna about what she was doing and what was going on but if it doesn't get better next semester when the shows start happening then I will seriously say something more then just sending her annoying e-mails over and over.

However all the good in my life just seems to make the void in my life seem even worse. I HATE being alone and the fact there is so much good going on right now almost seems pointless because I don't have anyone to share it with. ALMOST POINTLESS. How great I feel about myself will never change. A ton of my friends are pretty much spitting the same lines back at me. "You haven't met Mister Right yet!" "Be glad you don't have to deal with the bullshit guys bring" "You are so much better then the people you like" "it will come when you least expect it"

It's all bullshit in my eyes. It's so easy to say something like that when at the end of the day you go back to your boyfriend or girlfriend. Everyone else gets to make mistakes and get hurt and experience it all, but yell at me because I want that too. Why do you get all the fun and why the hell do you think you are sparing me by telling me why I shouldn't get in a relationship. Why the hell do you get to be happy and I can't?

On that note, I'm ready, but not willing, to give up on Tom. I still have a interest in him, but I'm tried of trying to get to know him and not getting anything back. I haven't gotten a sign or signal or anything that it is is worth my time and energy to keep wasting time trying to get to know him. I did have semi high hopes, which makes it hurt. He is so unlike anyone I have ever liked before and I thought that was a good sign. Apparently I was wrong.

Is it wrong to completely give up? Tom was, well see above. I hung out with Matt, who should have been completely amazing, and I might as well of been hanging out with a brick wall. I've come to the realization that Disney wasn't the attention I actually wanted. It was amazing feeling wanted, and disired and pretty, but when I got back to Boston I just felt like a whore for the things I had done, and I didn't even do anything completely bad.

The person I am here in New England and the person I was in Orlando are two completely different people, never the two should meet. However neither person is anywhere close to the person I actually am. I don't actually know how to bring that person out. Fuck I'm not even sure I know what that person is yet. That scares me more then I will ever admit out loud. I'll be 23 in less the 24 hours and I'm just starting to figure out how to make what I want in life to become a reality.

I look back at some of the things I've done in the past and wonder what my life would be like if said events had unfolded differently. Part of me really wants to know, but then part of me is happy with most of what is going on right now. I don't know how much of it I'm willing to change.

I'm going to start crying soon if I'm not careful and I do have a paper to finish, maybe it's time I get on that

Goodnight to a world that doesn't read this

So NaNoWritMo isn't exactly as planned.  I went two days without writing anything at all.  Good for my social like I guess, because the whole reason I didn't write a single word because I was actually out and about in the city.  Not so good for my word count however because tonight's word count is suppose to be 15,000 and I am just over 7,000.  FAIL

If Kelsey didn't piss me off so much I wouldn't feel the need to get out of the room so much.  She lies about everything and it's not that hard to figure out she is lying as well.  She has to be right about everything and 99% of the time she is wrong and she will sit and argue with everyone just for the sake of arguing.  No one pisses me off more then she does.

Emily is making me mad too (not nearly as much as Kelsey)  She is complaining about everything and its just like "OMG SHUT UP"

ok back to NaNoWriMo

</div></a>630 / 50000 words. 1% done!</div>

I don't want to be here anymore.  It pretty much kills me to admit that too because for the first time EVER I am excited about school and I'm doing well.  I got a 105 on my Venue MIDTERM.  I don't think I ever saw more then about a 75 on a midterm before.  I'm proud of the work I am turning in.  I have the Venue and now CAB.  I'm even my own CAB event and I just went to my first meeting on Wed.

I Miss DIsney.  I miss having a social life.  I miss having guy friends.  For the first time ever I have a group of girl friends that out number my group of guy friends.  I miss Devin and Shawn and Emily and Kelsey and Brandon and WOD and The Brits.  I miss my Frat House Apt that ALWAYS had people over who didn't live there.  I miss my big brother Danny, and Hendrick because no matter how much he pissed me off i still loved him and it was okay. 

I don't mind my roommates.  Alison is kewl but at the end of the day she is an 18 year old girl who is pretty sure her world is going to end because her boyfriend of like a week is in basic training.  Kelsey I want to like more then I do but she makes it so hard.  She is so annoying but I've never been one to be THAT blunt.  She copies me more then anything and even started wearing a purity ring just because I started wearing mine again.

I have a legit crush for the first time since high school I believe.  He has so many of the same qualities I normally like a guy for. plus so much more. including the fact that he is smart and completely passionate (or so he leads me to believe) about our major and actually doing something in the world.  I can barely talk to him and my thoughts get all jumbled up in my head when I'm around him.  ME... SHY?!   I don't really know what is happening to me but I kinda like it.  Now if only I could actually talk to him.  I had a convo with him about food the other day.  I don't think its anything special but I was able to carry a conversation without stuttering so I guess it's a start (according to my friends)  I think a big part of it is that it wasn't planned.  I really just think I need to let go and not care and things will work better.  He's just so cute  HEHE

I have a headache.  I think its stress.  Or my contacts being a pain.  Either one makes sense.  and the complete lack of sleep in my life.  My bed is the most uncomfortable thing in the world, I miss having a cuddle buddy  I hate being alone.  I'm going to go back to eating my cereal

Officially back on the site after taking a year off for overly advanced math classes

Cassieandra13

be my writing friend
and then help me with ideas bc for once in my life  I am clueless

For the most part anyways.  I've kinda let thins go completely, bot for lack of time to actually write anything, and lack of will power to write anything that has been going on.  even my real journal is lack luster and arn't these the times I'm going to want to remember for ever?

The answer to that is yes, but like I said I  barely am finding time to eat, sleep, and breathe neverless do anything that I should be doing to keep my life organized.
Plus  no one reads this so in reality I am talking to myself.

The basics -
Boys - dumb
work - stressfull
money- even more stressful
Florida - amazing
friends - here there and everywhere

I shouldnt be in touch better with some people but then I remember that works two ways and I havent heard from them either.

Finishing this episode of Skins and then heading to bed.  I dont have to work till 5 tomorrow and with no money I et to sit around and do nothing until then.  Maybe I might get to writing.  My life needs more organization right now.  I just hate having a roommate bc I feel like I get no alone time, which really isnt true but its still weird

I honestly dont want to leave florida though.  I know I must, and I will more a short time, but come next fall I dont see myself living in NH full time.  Mom is coming down and I hope she will be able to see how much I have grown and changed and how good this actually has been for me.  Its time for me to move on and honestly New Hampshire cant offer me anything so what is the point of staying.  everyone else gets to go away to college and no one says I thing to them, I move to Florida and half my friends throw a hissy fit..... its like "HELLO how do you think I feel when everyone goes away to school.... This is my going away to school, I dont understand why that is so hard for people to understand

Skins is almost completely loaded now so I just needs to watch the last few minutes before crashing for the night

I hate my job.  In case I haven't said that like 700 times.  I love disney, I hate my damn store, its exactly like being home with different people.  I have monday off and my plan that day is to clean and grocery bingo that night.  I might go and see what I can do then.

in other news life overall is good.  Saw WATCHMEN last night.  Good movie but long and not worth the midnight showing, though I think it is a must see.
It is freezing in my apt but there never a happy middle here.  Jeanette and Rachel always end up fighting over where the temp is.  its so dumb, hense why I am almost always over at other peoples places.  I miss my brother and that apt.  I havent seen them in so long I'm getting ready to go knock on the door and just be like "HI"  I swear someone in disney does not want us all hanging out bc we all work dif hours.  I will make it work though

not that its a suprise, my head hurts.  I'm still staying out of the drama but its getting harder as people start to move around and leave.  All my friends are slowing shifting and I find myself hanging out with almost a completely different group then I did this time last month

Honestly........... THIS is why I hate girls.

I want to go out, they have the same time off I do and they would much rather stay at home with each other then go out and meet people.  Isn't that suppose to be what the program is all about?  We def arn't here to make money, thats for sure.  We had such a great time at city walk the other day, but now suddenly I'm the bad guy bc I want to go out again.  How much sense does that make?  its a freaking Saturday night and all I did was work until 8 then go over to the guys and watch part of a movie.  Which is exactly what we do every other night

Don't get me wrong, I adore those guys.  They are my family and my best friends, but they all have girls now and its semi akward sometimes just because I am the third wheel.  Brian already said that I was his best girl friend and that honestly ment the world to me, but how much can I really hold him to it when he is always with Emily.  I don't mean that in a bad way bc I like them together and she is really nice and Brian is more like my brother then anything.  I dont even know where I am going with this anymore

Why do I have to feel like the whore when I just want to be social.  I love Mandi but she cares way to much what other people think.  She was such a fun loving person when we decided to be roommates, where did that person go?  I really don't want to deal with a room change because I don't want to pay for it, and the only person I would move in with already has a roommate.  I seriously just need to stop letting this bother me.  I kinda knew it would happen, it always does.

The program overall is actually amazing.  I have my first class Thursday.  My book hasn't gotten here and I'm kinda worried but thats about it.  World of Disney isnt turning out so bad.  I still would have prefered something different then what I do back home, but hey at least I am on really good terms here because I have so much experiance.

Mandi just walked in so I guess here is a good place to end.

I'm seriously going stir crazy.  almost a week later we still have no power, PSNH keeps pushing back when they think we will be back up, and now with the snow coming I am begining to doubt we will have power for Xmas

I actually begged my mom to take me to the Central School with her this afternoon, and I'm willing going to my brothers Boy Scout meeting tonight just because they will have food


seriously... kill me now?

One of the best 80's movies is on and I have to leave for English in like 5 minutes.  I do think its funny though that Sarah, the little sister in the movie, looks like a young Zac Efron in a wig.  haha

Disney has been a rollar coster and its not even over yet.  Just waiting for one stupid last email and then I can book a value resort and my plane ticket down.  I can't believe its really all happening.  I'm so excited just nervous at the same time. 

grrr must leave for class now

yup
Disney College Program Spring Advantange 2009
I'm so excited

I heard from Disney.  I sadly wasn't picked as a Character Performer.  I'm disappointed and upset, I'm not going to lie.  But I didn't have my heart set on Character, I've been in the entertainment Industry long enough to know you get more No's then Yes's.  I sadly think my weight has a lot to do with it.  I weigh a lot more now then I did when I stopped dancing.
I want to change that much, I havent been happy with it in a long time

I'm more nervous then ever now.  Now it's a very real chance I might not be in the program at all and that thought kills me.  I'm going to do my very best to stay positive.  Everyone think a happy thought for me please

I'm i don't get accepted for this internship I might actually die

no this is not me being a drama queen
my family is driving me crazy and I can't wait to get out of here
for health reasons I can't be here anymore

as of right now
this very moment
I have have said before I am coming home to graduate and then hopefully going back down
right now
I do not want to come home
and if I do
I'll be looking for a roomie to get an apartment with b/c I will notr be moving back into this house


No word yet
who would have ever thought this would be so stressful


I am sick right now
and it sucks
I hate cold season

or at least I hope its only a cold
I hate this time of year


Waiting for WDWCP is single handily the most stressful waiting period in my life

and Waiting and waiting and waiting

I HATE this part

There is nothing I can do right now but continue waiting day to day and just leading my normal life until I get a final answer.

The audition went pretty well I think
the routine was easy and I believe I danced it well

I wasn't pulled as a look a like (even though I wasn't expecting to.  I don't believe I look like any of the characters) and I wasn't pulled for the advanced dance part, which kinda of got me down, i'm not going to lie.
Though from what I have heard right now, I guess it doesn't actually matter.  I am reading a LJ blog written by someone down there right now, and according to her, there are people cast in the parades who weren't not pulled for the advanced dance audition.  That kinda makes me feel a little better b/c I would much rather be a parade dancer then a character friend

But it's still all up in the air.  My stomach goes into all these weird knots and I really want acceptance into this program more then words can actually say.  I will be just as happy working a ride, I just want to be in Florida, in Disney.

when suddenly my diet doesn't seem to be working

Yesterday was good

today is still a toss up

Trying to get back into the shape I was a year or two ago
my "dancer" shape
Dad is being as ass about going to the gym though
I'm walking more though

Went to the presentation
filled out the application
had my phone interview
things are looking really, really good.
Character audition on Oct 26th in Pittsburgh

Whether or not I get into the program does not hang on passing the audition though, because if I don't get to be a character there is still attractions and merchandise.

But I would really like to be a character.  I'm not going to lie, I REALLY want it


Either way its still 6 months living and working on Disney property in Orlando
What can really be better?

This was actually on the McFly Boards but I thought it was kinda fun and decided to post it here as well.  While reading the Radio:ACTIVE Thank You's it got a girl on the boards thinking and she basically asked us what we would write in our own Thank You's if we ever needed to write them.  Here is what I posted there



         

           First I want to thank the fans.  You guys go out and buy the CD's and come to shows and you are the reason we wake up each morning and do what we do.  It's all for you.

          Mom and Dad for putting up with me and for giving me the insanely OCD'd taste in music I have today. William for sharing mom and dad with me (even though I thoroughly think it's my turn anyways.  Plus my Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and Cousins.  You guys are the best.

         Friends - Danielle, Michelle, Anne, Chrissy, Anna, Jim, Tiesha, Sarah, Joshly, Rachel, Jazzie, Leigh, Samantha and my niece MatiLyn, Thynie, Charley, Brendon, Aislyn, Heather, Jenn, Jessica, Josh, Diana, Grace, Stephanie, Jeremy.  My 'little sisters' Ameara, Molly and Hannah.  The FOB Concert Crew, The Cobra Clan, and the NECCO Kids.

        Bands- Fall Out Boy, Cobra Starship, Sing It Loud, Standard of Living, Valencia, Mcfly, Busted (RIP), New Found Glory, Choidos, Boys Like Girls, Fightstar, Brand New, Armor for Sleep, The Academy Is..., From First to Last, Funeral for a Friend, Hawthorne Heights, Metro Station, We the Kings, The Cab, Good Charlotte (for giving me the strengh to hold on when HS Sucked)

       To all the 'Friends' that stabbed me in the back, and to all the boys that thought it was a good idea to break my heart, thanks for giving me something to write about.  Hope you enjoy your songs because now the world knows.

I know there is still more I could have written, more people I should have added, and if I actually was writing a Thank You's they prolly would have been a lot better, but this was quickly off the top of my head.

If you had to write and Album Thank You's what would you have to say?